It's 9:30, and I'm sitting here making a tape. I'm not in such a super mood tonight. Elliot got home at about 3:00 and I went over there about five. He told me that he was talking to Denise over at Ingell St., and she said that if I was going to act like that over her, she didn't want anything to do with me. That was almost five hours ago and now that I stop to think about what that means, I feel like crying. Nobody understands that I really do love her and care about her, more than anything else in the world, and she doesn't even want to talk to me, and she doesn't care about me a bit. In just the time that I've written this, I feel even worse. I've got to keep trying for her, it's the only thing that keeps me going these days. I'm not her Romeo, but I'm someone who cares about her very, very much, and she's cold as ice. I don't know. Maybe I just can't face reality anymore. And I know I'm not just trying to get attention, this is really and truly the way I feel. I just don't know what to think about everything now. If I'm that useless to everybody in the world, maybe I'd just better leave them all alone now. Elliot, Denise, Sandy, Steve, Cheryl, Jay-they all feel the same way about me-they don't want to have anything to do with me. I think Elliot and Steve are just nice to me because I do things for them, but deep down inside they really think that I get in their way and bother them. I can't blame them. I'm at least three years younger than the youngest of them (four than Denise) and I can't really do any of the things that they want to do, so when I hang around them, they think they have to change their plans because of me. Feeling like this I know now why I feel like I do.
I'm not in a mood to go into detail on anything else, so I'll just list them
1)Saw Steve twice today, he's doing OK, but may be in until Wednesday now.
2)Saw George today, he'll be back tomorrow.
3)Going broke-less than $20 left.
4)Red Sox took two from Milwaukee today.
5)Steve is crazy in love with Karen Lane-a girl almost four years younger than him. Which proves my point-it's not the age, it's the person that really matter, and if you feel a certain way about someone, you shouldn't let anything stand in your way.
I find it interesting that in the midst of all this deep, dark angst, I still found to time to update the reader on the status of the Boston Red Sox. The rest of it is boo hoo shit. It's also interesting that I keep saying Steve's doing OK, yet he's in the hospital for almost a week at this point. Obviously, he wasn't OK.
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